On Monday, I was fortunate to celebrate my 31st birthday. Apart from an extremely belated 30th birthday celebration (which happened two months after the fact and only because friends encouraged me to mark my entry into a new decade), it has been the first time I’ve truly embraced that childhood spirit of hosting a birthday party. Of feeling giddy at candles and cake, the sweet laughter and love of those I hold close. I had a wonderful time. My heart was full and has remained so as I think back to the day, and look at pictures and videos of the people I’m proud to call my people.
It was a week of celebration - restorative time spent with family, a birthday picnic with friends, a day trip to the Kent coast with my husband and finally a day to myself where I took myself out for an impromptu lunch. Celebration, I suppose I’ve sometimes felt, is an inherently loud affair, contrary to my natural preference to shy away from attention and the spotlight. Celebration somehow felt outside of myself, something that got tacked on because it is what I “should” do. This year, celebration in all its forms has felt natural. Despite the worries that come with hosting (will people turn up? cancel? will they have a good time?), deep within myself, I knew that I was doing this for me. I wanted to celebrate me and the wonder of my life. The grace & mercy of being alive, the act & art of living, of loving, of being loved, of making many small & tiny footsteps on this world for however long we are given, is a wonder and wonderful thing. It is worthy of celebration.
As I grow, I feel the roots of myself embedding deeper into the earth. For all the angst turning 30 is said to incur, I’m grateful to have only found an anchor and return. I am more myself these days. I can say truthfully say that I like myself. I’m claiming new and old words about me. I’m grateful that sticking with the years of uncertainty and confusion have given way to clarity. I thank God.
Family reminds me that I am merely a continuation. I think of my parents, grandparents and all those who came before me, who are with me now. A birthday is a celebration of their resilience & belief in life and living: before I even existed, I was paid for. Looking at my friends eating and drinking, I know a birthday is a celebration of the unlikelihood of making and keeping such life partners: of our journeys together & how we have chosen each other again and again over the years. It is a celebration of community. Embraced by their unending blanket of love, I remember: I am no small thing. My existence is worth celebrating.
Reflective girl that I am, I always take to my journal at this time of year and reflect on the year gone by. This year, I’ve done something new: write a list of learnings. I share them with you below in the hopes they cary you in the same way they have carried me.
It is possible for things to be and come easily. The good things, many times the best things, come from little effort or exertion.
Whatever I need shows up. God, the Universe, is always listening.
Trust my intuition, the timing and unfolding of my life.
It’s okay to not make sense to others (and maybe even be confused yourself) - things will work out in the end.
Presence is always available. Nature, returning to breath, moments of solitude, moments of community and stillness are your friends, passports to the expansive whole.
(Or, as the Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese goes, “the world offers itself to your imagination/calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -/over and over announcing your place/in the family of things.”)
Use your annual leave! You don’t need to deserve it or “make the most of it” - enjoying your rent is lovely too.
Hold close the people who see, know & remember you for who you are…
… sometimes you’ve got to remember who👏🏾 the f*** 👏🏾 you are!
Stick to your routines & rituals (even/especially when you don’t feel like it)
Don’t lose sleep to worry. Not everything can be fixed overnight.
Stillness is a kind of movement.
Go on mini-adventures, try new things, fill your cup.
Spend time each day to be unstimulated. No music, podcasts, news, social media. Make solitude a practice.
To the perfectionist-doer-ambitious part of me - not everything has to “become” something!
Discipline is a gift, a practice of self love that shows I commit to myself and my life. (& it feels nice to be a person who does what she says she’s going to do.)
Exercise feels good! (Shocker!)
Move & connect with my body everyday (yoga, dance, movement, a silent walk).
Time will pass anyway - just do it.
Trust & surrender, always.
Be where your feet are.
To another year! (& if you need more convincing to celebrate your birthday, I highly recommend reading In Defence of Birthdays by
:In my opinion, birthdays are the most pure and most important celebration in a humans life. They are not about what you do but about who you are. No achievements, no conditions, just being loved for existing.)
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this, please like, subscribe or leave a comment on your feelings about birthdays - as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Until next time,
Love Sarah 💛
Such a gorgeous list of learnings, "stillness is a kind of movement" especially resonated for me. Happy birthday!!
oh wow I really really loved this - we are in such a similar space: from both turning 31 recently (yay fellow Virgo!) to having a tendency to shy away from celebration; I used to feel the same way! Like you, entering my 30s has felt like really knowing myself - love how you put it: “feel the roots of myself embedded in the earth.” It’s such a beautiful thing and our existence is indeed worth celebrating! Happy birthday 💛